MUSO 2016: STATE OF THE UNION
It is election week, and campaigns are in full throttle. Enemy lines are being drawn. Coalitions are being broken almost as fast as they are being formed. Aspirants are being sacrificed at the 11th hour, 11.59 P.M to be precise, with or without their knowledge.
The devil is throwing a party as money, power and influence exchange hands more regularly than missing marks. Elders are having a field day as aspirants are milked to the brink of poverty. SEC (Student Electoral Commission) isn’t mincing words as it races against time to beat the 15th July election date. And today we sample, who is who in the race of the 30th SGC that has attracted the largest crowd ever?
CHAIR
The chair’s docket has enticed 4 aspirants, with Victor Ndhiwa defying all odds to remain relevant. But is the race between Towett ‘Zikism’ Ng’etich and Apouyo ‘We The People’ Rathore? Shem ‘We Must Be Great’ Albert has also proven not to be a push-over as the Luhyas solidify behind him. But does he have enough fuel for the long run? Or will he ultimately face the knife as the coalition does an Abraham on him and offers him as a living sacrifice?
VICE CHAIR
Faith Muthoni, Mary Mwakesi and Viney Gisore are the run-away horses in this docket. Dina Oguda, Pauline Komala and Lavina Bwonya will still cause ruffles in this docket as they too refuse to go away. With Faith Muthoni looking to represent her coalition, and Mary Mwakesi the other favourite, will this ultimately be a two horse race? This will be the tightest ‘Mama Welfare’ race in recent history, as the whole school will be divided right down the middle over who to endorse. Politics is a dirty game. Just who has enough vice to see it through?
SECRETARY GENERAL
With 6 aspirants going neck to neck, the next custodian of the MUSO Constitution will narrowly defy the probabilities and fit into the Sec Gen’s shoes. They are not big shoes though, as the soft spoken lad has steered out of controversies. Bosco Mariita, Remy Mwalo, Moses Tisa, Isaiah Goro, Harrison Tarus and Atela Silas will have a hard time convincing the electorates that they have what it takes to replace Oliver Bill. But do they really fit the bill?
ACADEMICS
The student representative to senate academic affairs, this could be a one horse race. Gavana Morris Muriithi could seemingly be this year’s David Sanchez as his raw personality, and having been in last year’s race singles him out. John Abdub Wako, and Stanley Muindi also muster enough breath to attract a following. Ojwang Kevin, Ochieng Kennedy, Kibet Ruttoh, Bundi Douglas and Byluck Masara are the other scholars being examined for their competencies in this docket. But just who hid the correct mwakenya to cheat the electorate into voting for them? Who will be the next Ringera? Who received enough HELB to fund himself to and fro Anniversary towers?
In charge of tendering and accountability, MUSO’s next financier will be a budget-tight race between Wycliffe Siocha, Kigen Newton, Murkomen Simon, Steve Biko, Eugene Muchai and Eric Cantona. This might turn out as an economics duel between who has more assets to sponsor a coalition. Whether it’s a sober investment or not will depend on how deep one’s pocket is.
ENTERTAINMENT
This will be entertaining. Mboya Atieno, the only female aspirant takes on the likes of John Sewe, Dukakiss Emoile, Clinton ‘Klint’ Arnold and Marlon Muiruri. As the proverbial black sheep, could her being female be her ultimate selling point? Is it time Moi finally settles on a female entertainment director? Taking on rather popular male aspirants, and fitting the bill, could her Achilles’ heel be her tower of strength?
CATERING
Lynn Baliach, Husna Hassan and Risper Kwamboka are all fighting for a place at the dining table. But ultimately one has to serve, one has to eat the crumbs from the table, and the other well, cleans up the dishes. Judging from recent voting patterns, Lynn with her audacious looks might just have enough appetite to carry the day. Question is, will Husna cause a mess in the mess? Or will Lynn be tasty enough to keep the electorates craving for more?
HEALTH
Could this be Faith Chimoli’s year? Or will Velma Sankale, Beverly Nicole, Edith Ciru, Hellen Mwikali and Juliet Nanjala cause an upset? Having lost narrowly last year, does Chimoli inspire enough fitness to outdo her rivals? Who will be in good physical condition to get comrades’ nod? When the oracle finally speaks, who will refill comrades’ condom dispenser?
SPORTS
Having attracted Esther Nafula, Mike Ogugu, Jack Scott, Pius Mogaka and John Bruce, who is capable to ensure our fields are not turned into grazing zones? Who is sporty enough to revitalize the bedridden games? Who can be the ultimate player? At the end of the day, who has sufficient finishing power to run away with the votes?
SECURITY & ACCOMODATION
As bedbugs take over comrades’ beds, this seat has attracted the largest number of aspirants, but just who is secure enough to accommodate students’ plights? Kuso Abdalla, Mitch Ogange and Max ‘Maxsecurity’ Angatia take an early lead here. Kebut Benson, Garabai Emmanuel, Milton Omwamba, Stebbins ‘Camerata’ Metabo and Daniel Okech might have a hard time convincing comrades and micro-comrades alike that they can ensure their continued peaceful co-existence.
Who Is Who in the race of the 30th MUSO elections?